Are you an autistic individual considering or preparing for parenting? Are you wondering how to accentuate your strengths and develop strategies to transition to this new life phase? You are not alone!
While surprises can arise and planning may not always be feasible, taking the opportunity to process ideas before pregnancy can help you feel more centered during the journey.
Awareness of the Nervous System
If you've tuned into my podcasts, you know I strongly advocate for self-awareness, particularly in understanding your nervous system. Instead of merely reacting to crises and existing in survival mode, gaining insight into how your nervous system operates can be invaluable.
Recognizing that “my nervous system tends to respond this way” or “I find this overwhelming” can guide your decisions about children. This includes considerations around timing, the number of children, and dynamics with your partner, such as work schedules and the division of responsibilities.
Consider how you recharge—whether through alone time or pursuing personal interests—and how that will fit into a parenting routine. If you have noise sensitivity, forget to eat, or prefer limited physical contact, consider how these factors may affect your experiences with soothing, bathing, and feeding your infant.
What strategies can you employ to manage sensory overload, such as using noise-canceling earplugs or establishing predictable cuddle times with toddlers? If your system is upset by unexpected or constant touch, you may find that using a swaddling carrier (wrap carrier, baby wrap) feels better because it gives you some constant pressure input. You may decide against breastfeeding to give your system a break from touch. Understanding your nervous system allows for creative solutions and encourages considering multiple options.
Involve your partner in this process as well. What are their nervous system needs? How do they recharge? What overwhelms them?
And what about sleep? Are you and your partner both night owls, or is one of you a morning person? Assess your physical environment—does one partner feel overwhelmed in a visually chaotic space? Do they want objects to remain in specific places? What strategies can you develop to create a calm, organized area in one part of the house while allowing for more chaos in playrooms or children's rooms?
Think creatively about the division of labor after having a child. If either partner finds daily household responsibilities overwhelming, what approach might work best once children enter the scene? If one partner stays home, will they be expected to handle all household duties, including childcare, appointments, cleaning, and laundry? Identify tasks each of you enjoys or detests. For instance, one client shared that her husband loves doing laundry, while another has a partner who finds vacuuming soothing. Sometimes, one partner may handle most outdoor household tasks. Thinking ahead of time about how to split childcare and household responsibilities is critical to good outcomes.
And remember all the strengths you bring to parenting! For example, you are uniquely situated to have a deep personal understanding of individual differences. You can help your children identify when they are dysregulated and teach them strategies for feeling more centered and calm. It all starts with self-awareness!
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